Creating a Village in the Absence of One

In a world where it’s so easy to “friend” someone on social media, why is the essence of “the village” so lacking, and actually making friends so difficult?

So… What does it mean to have a village?

It means popping over to the neighbour’s to borrow eggs you don’t have to finish the muffins you already started mixing.

Bringing over a few muffins/cookies that you made with said eggs.

Bringing a meal to someone who just had a baby.

Visiting someone in the hospital that just had surgery.

Bringing someone a meal once they’re home after surgery.

Visiting a new mom after she has a baby.

Taking your friends kids or your nieces/nephews for a day.

Inviting your new neighbour to the mom group you attend every week.

Inviting the new mom in play group over for coffee.

Saying hi to people when you pass them on the walking path.

Holding the door for someone at the post office.

Paying for the person in line behind you in the drive through.

You need to be a village to have a village.

Yeahhhh I said it. I know how it feels to feel so down and like you need help and like you don’t have a village when you need it most.. but how many people are in your same shoes?

It’s easy to expect these things to come to you and people to do these
things for you, but when it comes down to it, how often do we forget to do it ourselves? If everyone thinks that someone else will be the first one to talk, be the first one to invite you over, be the first one to offer to help out, then where are we stuck? Everyone expecting everyone else to start something.

When we act on our feelings they are (hopefully) reciprocated. When they’re not reciprocated it’s easy to give up, but I promise that the village you will find through it will be worth it. Some people may not act back. They’re not your village. Keep trying until you find your village, the people who will stick by you no matter what.

Serve Him by serving His people.
Thomas S. Monson

You never know the story of the person’s coffee that you paid for. Maybe a week later you’ll see they posted somewhere wanting to thank the person who bought them coffee and you’ll reconnect, or feel blessed knowing that you blessed their day. Maybe that new neighbour has been battling depression and needed to know she had someone close by to help when she needed it. Maybe that mom that you invited over after Bible study was contemplating suicide, thinking no one saw the value in her life. Then you came along and showed her that she matters.

It’s so easy to get into the mind set of, “but I need help,” so we stop helping others because we’re stuck waiting for someone to help us. Or we’re tired of feeling like we’re the only ones ever reaching out. But how often does that feeling subside when we start serving and stop expecting?

“Greater love hath no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.”
John 15:13

We’re created to serve; God did not create us to do this life alone. We are created to be servants of the Lord. There are no exceptions to circumstances, we are just called to simply love one another and to do so humbly. Galatians 5:13- “You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to induldge in the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly and in love.”

If we look at Jesus and His disciples we see how Jesus served them. Despite knowing that Judas would betray him He washed his feet. He knew that out of this friendship would come betrayal and He would get nothing out of the friendship, yet He still chose to serve. When we choose to serve selflessly and love fully despite knowing that we may not get the same favours in return, beautiful things happen. Our hearts are changed and we see friendship and serving in a new light.

I realize this verse is often used at weddings and in regard to marriage, but it’s so fitting when in context of any relationship. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10- “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work; if one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls down and has no one to help him up!”

In the devotional I’ve been reading through, the author says, “A friend stays a friend.” I’ve realized lately that not all relationships will always be this way… but you can use it to go forward in your own life and always be a friend, despite those that hurt and betray you. Serve as Jesus served, love as Jesus loved and be a friend as Jesus is a friend.

“A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need.”
Proverbs 17:17

There is joy in having a village, but it can’t be a village until someone starts it. It may be lonely and it may be hard, but it may be up to you.

As with everything, this is easy for me to say as someone who’s an extrovert. I realize that it’s not easy for everyone to just take these steps and do these things, and I know how absolutely discouraging it is to try and reach out to people over and over who show no interest back in having a friendship. But this has been on my heart for a long time and I truly feel like in today’s society and the absence of “the village”, we all need a reminder on what it takes to create one when there is an absence of one.